I think I won the penis lottery.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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