Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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