I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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