hell yes lets make some ravioli
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
