sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he fucked my hip out of place.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Randomize
