small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
