She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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