So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
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I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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