Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
