it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize