I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
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College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
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Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize