If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
