I didn't shave. On purpose
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
