my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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