my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
