Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
vagina is talking i cant
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
