This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Randomize
