New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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