I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
