i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Randomize
