Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
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