WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
