Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
