And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
