so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
