I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
