I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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