There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
