apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize