and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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