We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
