Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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