He uses pillows to masturbate.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
