If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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