I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
She bit a glass in half.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
