Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
