i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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