Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
