Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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