we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize