so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
