do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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