textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize