Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
