strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
