Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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