Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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