I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
