i just sent this text using only my big toe
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
