i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize