if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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