Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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