Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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