i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
