were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
