guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
