An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
