Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
