Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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