Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
