why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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