just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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