Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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