she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
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