ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
