I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
