his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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