Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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