My hair reeks of homosexuality.
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
