omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
