And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
