I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
